idamarie3

www.idamarieguterud.com
As best I could.

Og jeg som alltid har misslikt de som saboterer den fine Mai-dagen, i dag er jeg en av dem. Ikke får jeg brukt den fine bunaden min! Shame shame.. og ikke skal jeg så mye som stikke nesa ned i gata for å kikke på folk og fe. Jeg skal på jobb. Egentelig er det helt greit, for hva er vel egentelig 17. Mai for oss ungdommer? Ingenting. Man henger litt rundt omkring, får gnagsår på helen og bruker opp pengene kjempefort på is og pølse som man egentelig ikke orker.

Så da skal jeg tjene noen tusen på denne helligdagen i steden. Bruke den for hva den er verdt, rett og slett!

Så da må jeg snakke om den virkelige nyheten i mitt liv:
VI SKAL FLYTTE!
Simen og Ida har finni seg leilighet på Bjølsen i Oslo. Hurra. OG den er fin! Den er fin, men den blir finere når jeg har vært over den! Hihi. Jeg kan ikke tro at jeg faktisk skal flytte. Jeg tror det ikke før jeg får se det. Lille meg liksom?
Og uansett hvor mye dritt jeg har sagt om det røde vegg-til-vegg teppet på rommet mitt i alle år, jeg elsker jo rommet mitt. Det er min oase.
Den må jeg forlate. For 75 kvadratmeter på Bjølsen ved Storo. Der skal vi liksom leve. Problemet er, at leilighet har vi, men jeg har ingen studie. Hjelp! Om alt går riktig galt, hvilket det ofte gjør for meg. ( I alle fall når det virkelig gjelder) sitter jeg uten noen ting før Juni er her. Shit!

Men slike tanker er til å tenke på natten. Da får man litt ekstra panikk med på kjøpet også. Nå er det dagen og solen skinner i virkelig 17. Mai vær - ideologi. Tenker entusiasmene flagger litt ekstra for det.

Ellers satt jeg klistret til TV'en i går kveld og jubla hver gang Alexander fikk gode poengsummer. Det var helt supert! Det var helt fantastisk at i vant, men som pappa nettopp sa; det viktigste var tross alt at vi danka ut svenskene.

When in practically, did we began to settle with thing we?re not quite happy with? When did we reach that desperate point that anything is good enough? Is our fear of being alone so huge that it outdoes every other feeling? I got to think of this when the song ?As Long as you love me? was played on the radio here the other day.

"I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did as long as you love me" is Backstreet Boys exact words, but what do they mean by it? Are they trying to erase people?s difficulties with accepting other people? Are they trying to send us the message; everyone is a good person and you can fall in love with whomever, or are they simply desperate like thousands of other people in this world, women in practically. "I don't care, as long as you love me" is a little bit to open, to open for everything, don?t you agree? 

Admittedly, it?s a decade since they wrote this song, but the message is still clear, and the topic still not talked out, at least not for me. I still try to figure it out, is it only me? Am I the only one who doesn?t want to settle for average? So many people will rather do that, then being lonely and look at couples at the street holding hands, but is it so bad? Isn?t it much worse to give up, stop looking for The One and retire in the whole dating-business?

As desperate people we?re told that someone will come along, that patient is all it takes, and that sooner or later Mr. Big will walk down on our side of the sidewalk. But it?s totally understandable that some people rush into things as the years pass by and they can hear their biological clock tick. But we should not let us selves be fooled by this kind of thoughts.  People let themselves tease by the thought of happiness, but they find themselves in no position of defining what happiness is. Not everybody is made for a relationship, and certainly not everybody is made for hunting guys for the rest of their life. My point is, do we know what?s best for us selves? Is it so important for us to fit in, have a boyfriend when everybody else has it, that we?ve begun compromising ourselves? In that case, I think we should stop. We should stop trying to please everybody else and the expectations they have. Sooner or later we all should just realize that no less that happy is accepted and live a life half way there is out of the question. The only thing we can do is be our selves, and for our selves, the best thing we can do is to do everything in our own way.  Because, the more decisions we make when we?re not, the more we will regret when the years pass and it?s too late to change the choices you made Of course, it?s never too late to reconsider, but I say rather now, then later.

Hvorfor lager de filmer som får oss missunderlige? Hvorfor kan de ikke bare lage noen filmer med noen stygge folk så vi kan gå hjem og føle oss fantastiske og heldige? Det ville vært mye mer tilfredsstillende. Etter å ha tilbragt 3 timer i en kinosal beundre Brads kropp er det ikke fritt for at jeg finner mine egne valker ganske avskyelige når jeg kommer hjem.

Men så lenge hunkene forblir en fantasi er det ingen grunn til å nyte de til fullte. Tross alt, det er det som er jobben deres. Se fantastiske ut, friste, få flere til å ville se på dem. Med den tankegangen blir det mye lettere å akseptere den flotte gutten vi har ved siden av oss i sofaen en Fredag kveld, som gidder å se ?Nytt på nytt? med deg og som gir deg det siste pizza stykket. Når alt kommer til alt, er det jo det det hele handler om, intimitet og tilhørighet. Og ingen TV-mann kan gi deg det, uansett hvor kjekke han måtte være. Og med det kan man føle seg veldig fornøyd med det man har klart å finne selv.

In your early years, it?s very important to have a boyfriend, if you didn?t, you were a complete looser. Believe me, I?ve been there. I?ve stood and watched the hot guys in my class kissing the cute girls. Unfortunately, I never was one of the cute girls. I kept waiting, falling in love, dreaming that one day someone would like me a little bit more than everybody else.

I can clearly remember the hopelessness I felt. I wanted someone so much. At that point, it felt like it seemed irrelevant who that someone was, as long as I could follow the trend and have a boyfriend.

In a early stadium you felt this huge need to be with a boy, partly because your parents wouldn?t aloud you, but also because it was so important for you and your personality to have a boy. Later, I can shore not understand why that was so important. No I need no more that my own approve to feel good, but I?ve used some years to learn this.

Boyfriends come and go, in my case they?ve replaced each other, and that may have resulted in my little problem about intimacy. Why do guys have to Clint and cuddle all the time? Why do they have to be there all the time, and especially when you have other things you wane do? They always want the opposite as you do, and they are never tired when you go to bed in the evening. Besides, lying separately in the bed is forbidden. You have to practically lie upon each other to please him.

I?ve given this practically topic some extra though the last couple of days and it was not before I lied alone in my sister?s bed far from home, I understood it all. It doesn?t matter if he is a bit annoying every day, you?re supposed to be bothered by it, if not, you wouldn?t care. No relationship is perfect, and what I finally understood, was that nothing ever is worse than being alone. At the end, that?s what we fear the most. And for the first time in a very long time, I felt like cuddling and I missed lying upon my boyfriend at night. Because, when the night comes and the darkness fills the room, it all goes down to having someone. Someone who cares, someone who don?t mind holding around you trough the whole night, and the night after that, and the night after that.

Kjærester <3